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Funny thanksgiving speech
March 11, 2019 Kids Thanks 5 comments

Make this year's Thanksgiving a lot more fun and enjoyable with these funny Thanksgiving quotes and jokes.

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Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

The Secret of Stuffing a Turkey
How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?  Only one, but you REALLY have to squeeze to get him in.  Anon.

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Amusing Thanksgiving Quotations From The Famous

  • Rita Rudner: My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
  • George Carlin: We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving.  Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan.  You get more stuffing.
  • Erma Bombeck: No One Diets on Thanksgiving. 
    What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets.  I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
  • Johnny Carson: Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday.  People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year.  And then discover once a year is way too often.
  • Reba McEntire: To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

How Was the Thanksgiving Turkey for You?

We had grandma for Thanksgiving dinner.
We had turkey.

Amusing Thanksgiving Quotes

  • When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving.  But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog.  Only kidding.  It was the cat!  David Letterman
  • Grave Humor
    What did the hen tell the naughty chicks?
    If you your father could see you now he would turn in his gravy.
  • Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, he was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock.
  • The Secret of Stuffing a Turkey
    How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?  Only one, but you REALLY have to squeeze to get him in.

Turkey Gobble

The turkey is a funny bird
Its head goes bobble-bobble;
And all he knows is just one word...
And that is GOBBLE-GOBBLE!

General Inspirational and Amusing Sayings

  • The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. Benjamin Franklin
  • The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.  H.U. Westermayer
  • There are only two ways to live your life.  One is as though nothing is a miracle.  The other is as if everything is. Albert Einstein
  • You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception. Victor Kiam
  • I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem.  Ashleigh Brilliant
  • There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money. Benjaminn Franklin
  • Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad. Norm Papernick

Turkey Towns

There are at least three places in the USA named after this traditional meal: Turkey in Texas [population 491]
Turkey Creek, Louisiana [population 364]
Turkey, North Carolina [population 267].
Three towns in Kansas also have the name Turkey.

Do you know of any other 'Turkey towns?

Funny Thanksgiving Quotes for the Meal

  1. We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.  Epicurus
  2. Old people shouldn't eat health foods.  They need all the preservatives they can get.  Robert Orben
  3. Morning Star Headline
    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  4. It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.  Anon
  5. An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. Irv Kupcinet
  6. Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. Michael Dresser
  7. There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.  Oscar Wilde.
  8. See our funny Christmas quotes.

Thanksgiving Day Miracle

Bradley Priebe is a miracle child claims his mother, Anna, as she offered up her own Thanksgiving prayers.  While celebrating Thanksgiving Day in Brooklyn, USA, in a third floor apartment the 14 month old baby fell from an open window some 20 feet onto a music shop roof below.  Bradley not only survived, he didn't even break a bone. His father Brandon told police that his son wasn't seriously injured in the fall.  The local hospital released the child after a period of observation.

General Quotations Suitable For a Thanksgiving Gathering

  • Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action. W.J. Cameron
  • What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal. Albert Pine.
  • We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have. Frederick Keonig.
  • If you want to turn your life around, try thankfulness. It will change your life mightily.  Gerald Good.
  • What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I'd realized it sooner. Colette
  • There is no sincerer love than the love of food. George Bernard Shaw
  • Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. W. T. Purkiser.
  • True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.  Charles Caleb Colton
  • Do not wait for the day of judgement, it takes place every day.  Albert Camus
  • Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow.  Edward Sandford Martin
  • If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. Meister Eckhart
  • I always pass on good advice.  It is the only thing to do with it.  It is never of any use to oneself.  Oscar Wilde
  • See also funny Christmas quotes.

Out of the Mouths ... 

Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

'What are you doing?' Simon enquired.

'Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey,' his grandmother replied.

'Wow, that's cool.' Simon remarked. 'Are you going to hang it next to the deer?'

Thanksgiving Alphabet

T ... Turkeys, table-spreads, being together,
H ... Happiness and homes to protect us from all weather,
A ... Aunts and uncles, a reunion in Fall,
N ... Nieces and nephews, family members all.
K ... Kind-hearted kin coming over for dinner,
S ... Surely you'll have fun, but you won't get thinner,

G ... Gourds and pumpkins, mouths open wide,
I ... Indians and Pilgrims we remember with pride,
V ... Very special times-there could even be snow,
I ... Imagine what it was like at Plymouth long ago,
N ... Never forget how the settlers led the way,
G ... Giving thanks and blessing this special day.

Thanksgiving Poems:

The Year

The year has turned its circle,
The seasons come and go.
The harvest all is gathered in
And chilly north winds blow.
Orchards have shared their treasures,
The fields, their yellow grain,
So open wide the doorway,
Thanksgiving comes again.


He who thanks but with the lips
Thanks but in part;
The full, the true Thanksgiving
Comes from the heart.
J.A. Shedd

The First Thanksgiving

So once in every year we throng
Upon a day apart,
To praise the Lord with feast and song
In thankfulness of heart.
Arthur Guiterman.

Please send us your funny Thanksgiving quotes and amusing sayings.

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These Thanksgiving 2017 toast and speech ideas will help provide you with plenty to say if you get Ellen DeGeneres, The Funny Thing Is.

32 Best Thanksgiving Quotes to Share at Your Table

funny thanksgiving speech

Thanksgiving celebrations are often a time for people to reflect on gratitude for the wonderful people and cherished memories they have in their lives. At an informal dinner, this may be done round-robin style, with everyone offering up reasons to be thankful. At large formal dinners, this is often done in a Thanksgiving toast by the host or honored guest.

Informational Thanksgiving Toast Examples

One of the best ways to toast is to mention the reason everyone has gathered - to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday. Include a little information about why Thanksgiving is celebrated, fun or informative facts about the holiday, or quotes from famous people about Thanksgiving.

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Bountiful Food Toast

George Bernard Shaw once said, "There is no love sincerer than the love of food." Once again, we gather to celebrate the harvest, to look upon the bounty of this table. We know that the real bounty is not in what lies before us, though it does smell delicious, but in what lies within us, the bond that connects all of us as one human family. We remember those who have given us the freedoms we now cherish, and we look toward the future and the many blessings it will bring. To today's gathering and many more to come. Cheers.

First Thanksgiving Toast

The first Thanksgiving was held as a celebration of life, of the fact that the Pilgrims survived difficult odds and made it through to the next year's harvest. Like those early settlers, our family has faced many challenges, but we always emerge stronger and closer in our bond. I am so very thankful for all of you here today. We made it through another year, together as always, in love and friendship. I am honored to be your host for this bountiful feast prepared with just as much love as you all have provided to me. Cheers.

Example Toasts About General Thankfulness

Talk about thankfulness in everyone's lives. Speak about gratitude for both the large and small gifts in life. At a small gathering, it may be appropriate to include a short sentence about each person in attendance and how you are thankful for each one of those people. At a large dinner party or corporate affair, speak about the group as a whole, including their collective spirit and accomplishments.

Small Family Toast

I'd like to begin the meal with my personal thank you to all the family and friends in attendance. Mike, thank you for being the best husband a woman could have; I mean it. Marsha, you are a wonderful and supportive sister with a great taste in shoes. Bill, you know we would all be lost without your kind spirit and ability to find half-price airfare. Bethany, I'm so glad to call you my new sister-in-law. Cherie and Terry, we love your excitement, even when you want to play in the snow at 8 a.m. when we would all rather be sleeping. Thank you, every single one of you, for being here today, and for being in my life all year.

Large Group Toast

I'm glad we have such a large group this year; it's the only way I'll be spared from a month of turkey sandwiches. [pause for laughter] But on a serious note, I am truly blessed to call all of you my colleagues and many of you my close friends. Hopefully, by the end of tonight I can transition all of you over to the close friend column. When I look at this group gathered here today, all I can think of is how wonderful that all of us can take some time out of our busy lives to share a meal together. To remember that this holiday is not about rushing to the mall to get the latest gotta-have toy, sitting in traffic leaving the parking lot, or sitting on the computer trying to get that last budget report in. It's about relaxing, spending time with people who matter, and let's not forget - the food. Cheers!

Example Toasts With Current Event Commentary

Many people use Thanksgiving as a time to reflect on what has passed since the last year. At a family gathering where everyone is of like minds, it may be suitable to mention a few general comments on current topics relevant to the family, such as a new baby, marriage, children going to college, or even global events of concern.

Multiple Accomplishments Toast

Remember when Aunt Marnie used to say, "Thanksgiving day is in the same month as election day so that we can drown our sorrows in gravy?" Well, that is certainly true this year as we saw some of our faves get trounced in the midterms. But, since we can't all afford to move to Canada, we better focus on all the things that went well. First of all, the marriage of Camila and Jeff. Can I just say, what a beautiful expression of love? And, of course, Bella graduated from Yale and started her teaching career. Can you believe it? One year ago, she was just starting her internship. Now, "Miss Bella" is one of the most-loved instructors at Mt. Hood Academy. In fact, everyone here has grown so much since last November. And my love for you all has grown too, if that is indeed possible. Now, before I burst with pride, let's eat!

Family Strength Toast

I think the key word for our family this year is strength. We made it through some tough times: Frank's layoff, Julie's diagnosis. We made it through some good ones too: the arrival of Emma, Frank's new and even better job. How did we make it through the maze that was 2014 without being worse for wear? We did it together. We provided shoulders to cry on and shoulders to climb on. We laughed together and we worried together. We remained a family when it matter most. That's what I'm so grateful for, this year and every year. Thank you for being my rocks.

Formal Thanksgiving Toast Examples

At a formal affair, keep politics and religion to a minimum in a Thanksgiving speech to keep from ruffling the feathers of other guests. Tailor the toast to include information about the company at a corporate affair or some general philosophical thoughts on gratitude and gratefulness in life at a larger dinner.

Gratitude Toast

Having an attitude of gratitude is essential to leading a good life. That's why I make a list every morning of things that I am thankful for. This morning's list was the names of the attendees of tonight's dinner. I'm so glad that all of you could make it. Some traveled thousands of miles and some just walked a few hundred feet. Either way, I am so happy to have you here to share in the spirit of Thanksgiving. Although having everyone share their gratitude lists with the group would have us eating dessert on Christmas Day, I invite you to share with your neighbor and introduce yourselves to anyone around you that you don't know. Today, we are all family, and whether we are related to each other or not, we can certainly relate to each other. Cheers.

Autumn Thoughts Toast

Thank you all for joining us. It's been a long year, but it's been a great one, evidenced by just how many of us are here sharing a table. As we enjoy the feast of Thanksgiving, I invite each one of you to think of all the things you are grateful for: be it the crisp autumn leaves, your winning fantasy football team, or the look of wonder in Austin's face as he eyes the pumpkin pie. Try to remember just how fortunate we all are to be together on this special day. It's not often that we all are under one roof and I cannot state enough what a blessing that is for me. Cheers.

Examples of Famous Thanksgiving Toasts

Popular television shows, holiday movies, and even politicians give Thanksgiving toasts each year. If you are looking for a modern or funny Thanksgiving toast, these famous examples might work for your gathering.

Barry's Thanksgiving Toast from The Goldbergs

Get ideas for a hilarious and interactive Thanksgiving toast from the holiday episode of TV show The Goldbergs. One of the opening lines is "That's when Chris Columbo married Pocahontas..."

George's Thanksgiving Toast in Funny People

In the movie Funny People, George's Thanksgiving toast is filled with slight humor and deep emotion as he talks about love and thanks.

President Obama's Thanksgiving Message

If you're looking for an inspirational toast to give to a large group of people, check out President Obama's 2012 Thanksgiving message. If you take out some of the timely events he references, you could use the rest of his speech as a brief toast about togetherness.

Tips for Giving a Thanksgiving Toast

Learn how to give an impressive toast at your Thanksgiving feast and make it an annual tradition. Thanksgiving toasts are typically about the main reasons people celebrate Thanksgiving like gratitude, thankfulness, and family.

How to Write a Thanksgiving Toast

Writing a toast off the top of your head can be a challenge for even the most eloquent of speakers. Get started putting together some common elements and then tailoring the toast to the Thanksgiving occasion. Keep an outline of key points on hand for reference, so you don't forget what you want to say.

When to Give a Thanksgiving Toast

When to plan the toast is truly up to the host and speaker. Ideally, the toast is delivered just before Thanksgiving dinner is served or just after the meal has ended, either before or after dessert. The speaker should signal the toast by tapping a glass with his or her knife. If this is your first time hosting Thanksgiving, you may want to give a head's up to guests to expect a toast so that no one jumps the gun on helping themselves to a plate.

Don't Forget to Raise Your Glass

Some people get so nervous making their speeches that they forget to actually make their toast. Make sure you ready everyone with drinks beforehand. Champagne and wine paired with Thanksgiving foods are commonly served drinks during toasts. However, some guests may prefer mixed drinks or non-alcoholic drinks. Make sure everyone has a glass to raise, even if it's just filled with water. No one likes to be left out of this special moment.

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30 Funny Thanksgiving Quotes And Jokes

funny thanksgiving speech

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Poems of Thanksgiving

Will and Guy's Choice:  Poems of Thanksgiving

We truly admire the skill of these poets, it amazes us how they express just the right sentiment with so few words.

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Funny Ode to Thanksgiving

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

A Poem for Thanksgiving

The year has turned its circle,
The seasons come and go.
The harvest all is gathered in
And chilly north winds blow.
Orchards have shared their treasures,
The fields, their yellow grain,
So open wide the doorway,
Thanksgiving comes again.

[Author: Unknown]

At Grandma's House

I like the taste of turkey
Any time throughout the year
But it never
seems to taste as good
As when Thanksgiving's here.

Could be it's all the trimmings
That are cooked with it to eat-
But I think it's
eating at Grandma's house
That makes it such a treat!

Another Funny Thanksgiving Poem

Turkey Warning

Tell me, Mr. Turkey,
Don't you feel afraid
When you hear us talking
'Bout the plans we've made?

Can't you hear us telling
How we're going to eat
Cranberries and stuffing
With our turkey meat?

Turkey, heed my warning:
Better fly away;
Or you will be sorry
On Thanksgiving day.

A Lovely Thanksgiving Blessing

Thank You For Inviting Us

Thank you for inviting us
To your Thanksgiving dinner.
A day spent in your company
Is invariably a winner.

Thank you for the time you spent
Preparing all the food;
For making us feel welcome,
You have our gratitude!

Poem by Joanna Fuchs

It's not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, that is the true measure of our Thanksgiving.  WT Purkiser

Remember Your Friends This Thanksgiving


Dear Lord,
Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed,
This tiny little Prayer
Keeps running through my head:
God bless all my family
Wherever they may be,
Keep them warm
and safe from harm
For they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do;
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Please bless my computer too.

Now I know that it's unusual
To Bless a motherboard,
But listen just a second
While I explain it to you, Lord.

You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds and ends;
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my friends.

I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give,
And this little scraps of metal
Takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you.
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendships grew.

Please take an extra minute
From your duties up above,
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love.

Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Bless each e-mail inbox
And each person who hits 'send'.

When you update your Heavenly list
On your own Great CD-ROM,
Bless everyone who says this prayer
Sent up to

Poem Kindly sent in by Annick Morris

I am Thankful - Poem Of Thanksgiving

Will and Guy have been sent this poem of Thanksgiving which reflects the positive spirit of this celebration season:

I am thankful:

For the wife
Who says it's hot dogs tonight
Because she is home with me
And not out with someone else.

For the husband
Who is on the sofa
Being a couch potato
Because he is home with me
And not out at the bars.

For the teenager
Who is complaining about doing dishes
Because it means she is at home,
Not on the streets.

For the taxes I pay
Because it means
I am employed.

For the mess to clean after a party
Because it means I have
Been surrounded by friends

For the clothes that fit a little too snug
Because it means
I have enough to eat.

For my shadow that watches me work
Because it means
I am out in the sunshine.

For a lawn that needs mowing,
Windows that need cleaning,
And gutters that need fixing
Because it means I have a home.

For all the complaining
I hear about the government
Because it means
We have freedom of speech.

For the parking spot
I find at the far end of the parking lot
Because it means
I am capable of walking,
And I have been blessed with transportation.

For my huge heating bill
Because it means
I am warm.

For the lady behind me in church
Who sings off key
Because it means I can hear.

For the pile of laundry and ironing
Because it means
I have clothes to wear.

For weariness and aching muscles
At the end of the day
Because it means I have been
Capable of working.

For the alarm that goes off
In the early morning hours
Because it means
I am alive.

And finally, for too much e-mail
Because it means
I have friend who is thinking of me.

Please send us your Poems of Thanksgiving

First Thanksgiving

Venison for stew and roasting,
Oysters in the ashes toasting,
Geese done to a turn,
Berries (dried) and wild grapes (seeded)
Mixed with dough and gently kneaded~
What a feast to earn! Indian corn in strange disguises,
Ash cakes, hoe cakes (many sizes),
Kernels roasted brown...
After months of frugal living
What a welcome first Thanksgiving
There in Plymouth town.

Poem by Aileen Fisher

Thanksgiving Verse

move among us.
Silent, their gray lips mouth
prayers for the bountiful fields of
autumn. Feathered
Indians stand
tall in quiet corners
invoking harvest home in a
strange tongue. This is
our Thanksgiving.
Gathered together, we
are visited by the grace of
old guests.

Poem by Myra Cohn Livingston

The Ears of Wheat by The Brothers Grimm

Ages upon ages ago, says the German grandmother, when angels used to wander on earth, the ground was more fruitful than it is now. Then the stalks of wheat bore not fifty or sixty fold, but four times five hundred fold. Then the wheat- ears grew from the bottom to the top of the stalk.

But the men of the earth forgot that this blessing came from God, and they became idle and selfish.

One day a woman went through a wheat-field, and her little child, who accompanied her, fell into a puddle and soiled her frock. The mother tore off a handful of the wheat-ears and cleaned the child's dress with them.

Just then an angel passed by and saw her. Wrathfully he spoke, 'Wasteful woman, no longer shall the wheat- stalks produce ears. You mortals are not worthy of the gifts of Heaven!'
Some peasants who were gathering wheat in the fields heard this, and falling on their knees, prayed and entreated the angel to leave the wheat alone, not only on their account, but for the sake of the little birds who otherwise must perish of hunger.

The angel pitied their distress, and granted a part of the prayer. And from that day to this the ears of wheat have grown as they do now.

A Thanksgiving in France

The first Thanksgiving after moving overseas, I decided to treat my family to a traditional turkey dinner.

I went to the closest store, which happened to be French-speaking, and approached the area where a variety of meats were laid out. Not being fluent in French, I looked and tried to determine on my own whether the large poultry breasts I saw were turkey or goose.

The butcher indicated that he was ready to help me. I asked in broken French if he spoke English; he replied, 'No.' I tried again, asking if he spoke German; again, he replied, 'No.'

I pointed at the poultry breasts, then tucked my thumbs in my armpits, flapped my arms, and said, 'Gobble, gobble?' The butcher broke into a smile as he replied, 'Oui.'

Embarrassing, sure, but I ended up with a turkey and the butcher got a laugh!

A tale by Monica Harris

Desiderata - A Lovely Poem for Thanksgiving

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
And remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
Be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
And listen to others,
Even to the dull and the ignorant;
They too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
They are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
You may become vain or bitter,
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
It is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
For the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
Many persons strive for high ideals,
And everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
It is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
No less than the trees and the stars;
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
Whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
In the noisy confusion of life,
Keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

This is one of Will and Guy's favourite poems written by Max Ehrmann in 1927. We think it is applicable to all Thanksgiving celebrations.

The Old-Fashioned Thanksgiving

It may be I am getting old and like too much to dwell
Upon the days of bygone years, the days I loved so well;
But thinking of them now I wish somehow that I could know
A simple old Thanksgiving Day, like those of long ago,
When all the family gathered round a table richly spread,
With little Jamie at the foot and grandpa at the head,
The youngest of us all to greet the oldest with a smile,
With mother running in and out and laughing all the while.

It may be I'm old-fashioned, but it seems to me to-day
We're too much bent on having fun to take the time to pray;
Each little family grows up with fashions of its own;
It lives within a world itself and wants to be alone.
It has its special pleasures, its circle, too, of friends;
There are no get-together days; each one his journey wends,
Pursuing what he likes the best in his particular way,
Letting the others do the same upon Thanksgiving Day.

I like the olden way the best, when relatives were glad
To meet the way they used to do when I was but a lad;
The old home was a rendezvous for all our kith and kin,
And whether living far or near they all came trooping in
With shouts of 'Hello, daddy!' as they fairly stormed the place
And made a rush for mother, who would stop to wipe her face
Upon her gingham apron before she kissed them all,
Hugging them proudly to her breast, the grownups and the small.

Then laughter rang throughout the home, and, Oh, the jokes they told;
From Boston, Frank brought new ones, but father sprang the old;
All afternoon we chatted, telling what we hoped to do,
The struggles we were making and the hardships we'd gone through;
We gathered round the fireside. How fast the hours would fly-
It seemed before we'd settled down 'twas time to say good-bye.
Those were the glad Thanksgivings, the old-time families knew
When relatives could still be friends and every heart was true.

Poem by Edgar Albert Guest, 1881-1959

Will and Guy were struck by the tiny word 'of' in Poems of Thanksgiving.  William Arthur Ward captured the thought with this sentence, 'Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.'

Please send us your poem of Thanksgiving

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We have gathered 50 amazing Thanksgiving Instagram captions for you to use so that when you share your family moments on your social.

The 13 most bizarre lines in Donald Trump's Thanksgiving speech

funny thanksgiving speech

Happy Thanksgiving Day! Here’s a plateful of Thanksgiving jokes by Boys’ Life readers that will make you thankful you have a funny bone instead of a wishbone on Turkey Day. Do you know a funny Thanksgiving joke? Click here to send your joke to us.

Comic by Daryll Collins

Josh: Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day?
Phil: Why?
Josh: He wanted to raise mashed potatoes.

Joke submitted by John W., Hoschton, Ga.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Biff: Why did the turkey cross the road?
Bob: I don’t know.
Biff: It was Thanksgiving Day, and he wanted people to think he was a chicken!

Joke submitted by Rachy Y., Waianae, Hawaii

Comic by Scott Nickel

Charles: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Mary: I haven’t a clue.
Charles: Peach gobbler!

Joke submitted by Charles S., Gilbert, Ariz.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Tom Swiftie: “May I say the prayer before Thanksgiving dinner?” Tom asked gracefully.

Joke submitted by Eric Z., Spokane,Wash.

Comic by Scott Nickel

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

“No, ma’am. They’re dead.”

Joke submitted by Grant W., San Diego, Calif.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Danny: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Jake: Beats me.
Danny: Because they saw the turkey dressing!

Joke submitted by Danny Z., Sandwich, Mass.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Billy: Why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down?
Joe: Beats me.
Billy: Because they wear their belt buckles on their hats!

Joke submitted by Billy S., Dover, Mass.

Luke: What did the turkey say to the computer?
Will: What?
Luke: “Google, google, google.”

Joke submitted by Luke C., College Station, Tex.

Josh: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
David: Tell me.
Josh: Drumsticks for everyone on Thanksgiving Day!

Joke submitted by David B., Quaker Hill, Conn.
Comic by Daryll Collins

A man buys a parrot, only to have it constantly insult him. He tries everything to make the parrot stop, but nothing works. Frustrated, the man puts the parrot in the freezer. After a few minutes the insults stop. The man thinks he might have killed the parrot, so he opens the freezer and takes the parrot out. The parrot is shivering. It stammers, “S-s-sorry for being r-r-rude. Please f-f-forgive me.” Then, after a moment, the parrot softly asks, “W-w-what exactly d-d-did the turkey do?”

Joke submitted by Ted M., Sayreville, N.J.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Pedro: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
Ordep: What?
Pedro: “Quack! Quack!”

Joke submitted by Svenju B., Shawnee, Okla.

Caleb: What key has legs and can’t open doors?
Caitlyn: What?
Caleb: A turkey.

Joke submitted by Caleb M.

Comic by Bill Thomas

Alex: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
Adam: Why?
Alex: He sensed fowl play.

Joke submitted by Alex W., Sterling Heights, Mich.

Robert: Which bird is best at bowling?
Chrystal: I don’t know.
Robert: A turkey.

Joke submitted by Nathaniel C., Manhattan, Kan.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Leighton: What sound does a limping turkey make?
Zach: I give up!
Leighton: “Wobble, wobble!”

Joke submitted by Zach C., Roanoke, Tex.

Chas: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to at the first Thanksgiving feast?
Tom: What kind?
Chas: Plymouth Rock!

Joke submitted by Chas K., Appleton, Wis.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Sister: Mom wants your to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.
Brother: Why? Is it broken?

Joke submitted by Stephanie R., Chittenango, N.Y.

Pat: What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
Jerry: I don’t know. What?
Pat: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

Joke submitted by Patricia J., Warrens, Wis.

Comic by Jon Carter

Pedro: I was going to serve sweet potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner, but I sat on them.
Westy: What are you serving now?
Pedro: Squash.

Joke submitted by Pedro the Mailburro

Justin: Which November holiday is Dracula’s favorite?
Jay: Which one?
Justin: Fangs-giving!

Joke submitted by Justin T., Los Angeles, Calif.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Pedro: If pilgrims were alive today, what would they be known for?
Pee Wee: I have no idea.
Pedro: Their age!

Joke submitted by Pedro the Mailburro

Kevin: What do you call a turkey on the day after Thanksgiving?
Jake: I don’t know. What?
Kevin: Lucky.

Joke submitted by Austin H., Schnecksville, Penn.

Comic by Scott Nickel

Pee Wee: Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Pedro: Yes, of course! A building can’t jump at all.

Joke submitted by Pedro the Mailburro

Comic by Daryll Collins

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WATCH THE VIDEO ON THEME: One Tree Hill - Some funny thanksgiving parts

Thanksgiving celebrations are often a time for people to reflect on gratitude for the keep politics and religion to a minimum in a Thanksgiving speech to keep from If you are looking for a modern or funny Thanksgiving toast, these famous .

funny thanksgiving speech
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